I was naturally apprehensive, worried even, although it’s been explicitly written not to be, after the first time he called upon me but never said outright just what his calling would involve. His only word to me at the time, the only word I’d heard at least, was my own name, yet in his voice was an angelic peace and implicit trustworthiness to assure me that I would not be disappointed, not now, nor ever again. But as I do, I fretted anyhow, asking lots of questions, feeding fresh coals to the fires of fear and doubt that kindle within me about whether I could do what it is that he would want me to do, whether I was up to the task that of me which he would ask, whether or not I would even say ‘yes’ when the moment came. What if it’s hard? What if I don’t like it? Burning with the flames of insecurity has often given me the coldest of feet in decisive moments like this.
“What is it? What is it that you want me to do?” I would query. Alas, a straightforward response was never forthcoming, only parables and lessons and signs of every kind but of the kind that quell the restlessness of an anxious heart. I wouldn’t have heard him anyway even if he had told me straight out, in plain English, in the flesh and to my face, my ears so full of sand that they are in a head as hard as granite.
“I want to be this and do that and begin it all today! I don’t have time to waste.” I’d sometimes say, “Show me, show me the way!” But he was patient with me, patient with the innate tender benevolence that a parent has for a newborn babe — patient and kind, comforting and gracious, forgiving and loving, and always seeming to propitiously know, even before I did myself, just what it was that I needed as I was being prepared to listen, to accept, and to understand the significance of it all when the time came.
“What is my purpose? Why am I here?” I’d cry out, setting my sights to the the furthest horizon beyond myself for some mystical ‘Help Wanted’ sign flashing in the sky. A man of clay sometimes forgets just where the temple is. And he always wants something solid to mold his hands around and carry back to frame and hang above the mantle. But there is no on-demand spiritual delivery, no instant downloadable enlightenment, no microwavable soul food on this journey to the kingdom within.
Instead, over a cup of coffee and silence on this mid-November morn’, buried in the works of prophets and poets, these extraordinary written words appeared to me. “Confirm your calling,” and “Love is the great work.” And I suddenly could barely believe how obvious it’s been all this time, yet utterly hidden from my heart by my very eyes, blinded as I was by my own false expectations, ambition and lack of true faith. My calling, my purpose, my life’s work encapsulated in two unembellished words that adorn my studio door in front of me everyday from so long ago, but only today, this day, this moment have I felt them ringing in my spirit the way they do right now: Love More. It’s not a mere suggestion or even a mandate. It’s a calling.
That’s what I am here to do, to love more. It’s so strikingly clear, so fantastically simple and yet so incomprehensibly awe-inducing that I am reduced to humble surrender. Like the Tin Woodsman’s heart, the Scarecrow’s brain and the Cowardly Lion’s courage, I’ve had it in me all along. I just wasn’t ready to know before, I hadn’t had the experience to acknowledge the grace and privilege of it. I never would have thought it was good enough, or that I was good enough, and so he waited.
“I need you right where you are, doing just what you’re doing already, only now, I want you to do it all with purpose — with conviction and devotion. with humility and generosity, and with the same kind of patience and compassion that I show you. I need you to love more with me, love more of yourself, love more of others your sisters and brothers, love more of me everywhere and in everything, love more of creation, love more like a disciple, love more for the goodness and blessing of all. Love More and nothing less. How does that sound?”
My God, yes, I was born for this.
Love More Studio sign by Jason Weaver
By Jason Weaver, 2021
‘Love More’ are words I painted on a canvas prior to 2010 that then became the name of my blog and art studio in 2012 and have now found new meaning in me. “Confirm you calling” is from the Bible, 2 Peter, 1:10 and “Love is the great work,” is a line from the poem “The Great Work” by Sufi poet Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky in “The Gift” both of which I was reading after morning meditation.
LoveMore Studio 